Warning: I'm Rambling On and On (Again)

I was thinking about religion today. Well, first I need to make this clear that I don’t try to make other people agree with me. I guess what I really want to do is to straighten out my own thinking. I mean, I believe in God. But what is God, to me? Is he the Old Testament God, the nonpersonal God of Buddhism and Hinduism? Is he a synonym for the Universe? But do I really believe? I’ve always thought that there had to be a creator. But a few weeks ago, I heard a scientist talk about the existence of multiple universes that have no beginning. He asked why people have such a hard time imagining the universe without a beginning when they can accept a Creator that always existed. The Creator, who always existed: first of all, can I accept that? Can I accept a being who always existed and put deliberate thought into creating one (or more) universes? Or I can believe that the Universe(s) always existed in one place or another. But there was a big bang, where did the original materials come from and how did it start the process? And what is the Universe, anyway? Is it the stars, planets, etc.? Or is somehow every conscious being on earth, connecting to each other. In a way, I envy people who are atheists, they are so certain. Of course, I think they are too wrapped up in their criticisms of organized religion to be able to think it through. If there were no organized religions, I wonder how would they feel, about the existence of God as well as their own spirituality.

I must believe in something that exists out there, because when I do feel the need for prayer, if I didn’t believe in a God, who am I praying to? Another part of my problem, is that although I am interested in spirituality, I have noticed that lately I am not praying as much as I used to and I am also finding excuses not to meditate. If I am really spiritual , that would not happen, now would it? Am I someone who claims to be spiritual because I like that label? Am I a hypocrite? I think I am letting my spiritual practice backslide. Maybe, that is why I am feeling so empty lately.

Sorry if this looks like I’m rambling on and on, but part of the reason I keep a blog is to help me to sort through this stuff.