Wednesday, July 28, 2010

When I Had To Re-evaluate My Beliefs

My son got his first haircut at the age of 2, and honest to God, he flirted with the tall blond hairstylist. She told him how handsome he was. When he turned 12, he was into rap music, horror movies and violent video games. Girls would stop at the house for him. At 14, he tells me he could be gay. I was shocked at first. After all, he wasn't effeminate and didn't like Broadway musicals. However from the age of 2, he was very particular about how he wanted his hair cut. And he kept his room very neat decorated with a Spongebob poster and pillow.
When he came to me and said “mom, I think I might be gay”, I did not yell or criticize him. But I did say that sometimes 14 year olds can be overwhelmed with hormones and maybe in a year or so, he might change his mind. I guess I just grabbed at the word “might”. At the time, I was quite religious, I considered myself “saved” and was attending a Bible Study class. There were from time to time jokes made by someone in the class about Gay people. I told the class what happened and they said they would pray for him to change. I thought about my fears and talked to my son. I realized that he did not choose this life. Why would he? People get beat up and killed because of their orientation. I did some research on the so-called Biblical view, and found that there are other interpretations , just like we interpret other parts of the Bible that we disagree. At this point, I started to wonder about taking the Bible literally, I mean, I already rejected the creationism thing. Besides, I could not tell my son that he was committing a sin because I did not believe this was something that he chose. He did not decide one day that, although he naturally preferred girls, in order that he could offend God, he would just pursue guys. Sin is a conscious choice.
He recently turned 20 and is turning out to be a nice young man. I guess I'm lucky that he doesn't act effeminate because he is not subjected to homophobia. Unfortunately, he has to be careful about who he tells. Our relatives don't know and I don't know how they would react. They will either laugh at him, or condemn him. He will always have to pretend that he is something that he has no interest in being.

Monday, July 26, 2010

I Really Do Love Animals

We got our kids a cat, thinking it would be easier to take care of, in case I got stuck with the job. His name was Sage and his nickname "Pooh Bear". The idea came to me when I was cleaning his litter box. How come TV ads never show the goddamn litter that the cat kicks off its feet and wind up all over the floor. Used kitty litter on my bare feet. Yet somehow I could not get it up with the vacuum.
He also would attack my hands. Just me, no one else.One day, I realized that the stupid cat thought that my red nails looked like blood. He was so dumb that he didn't know what to do with a mouse. He smacked it, let it run, jumped on it,and smacked it. Then the poor thing ran under my sofa, where it had a heart attack and died. Once in a while, our cat would catch a lizard and eat all of it but the head and tail. The tail would wiggle for a while. EWWW.
Unfortunately, as time went by,he developed a rare cancer in his bladder. He would pee all over the house, rarely in the litter box. The pet urine cleaners (who'd want THAT job?) told us when we called them for a second cleaning, that there was too much urine. We wound up replacing most of the carpet in our house. When the end was near, we had a talk with our kids, telling them that our pet was suffering and that we would have to put him down. They were reluctant, but after a few days of observing him, they changed their minds. They spent his last full day with him, carrying him around, petting him, trying to get him to drink. Then we took him to the vet, said good-bye, and cried.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Having Fun With My Kids

When my kids were little we had a VCR tape of the Wizard of Oz. They were totally addicted. One day on Mr. Rogers, he had the woman who played the bad witch on his show. She was a grandmother, who liked reading to the grandkids. Then he showed her a cape and witches hat. She put them on and laughed her evil cackle. My 1 ½ year old stuck her thumb in her mouth and was transfixed.
A couple of years later, we took our kids to Disney MGM (at that time). We took the Great Movie Ride and to my delight, at the Alien section, the creature stuck its head out of the ceiling and was right above my 5 year old. She screamed and I put my arm around her and laughed.
Years later when she was 17 and my youngest was 10 we watched the Stephen King movie “It”. I think I kind of ruined the movie for my older kids because I kept mentioning that I saw the actors in other TV shows. Anyway, my son never complained of nightmares.
The following year we went to a Haunted Halloween Walk. I explained to him that everyone was wearing masks. Well, one of the characters was a demented-looking clown. Well, once the guy realized that my son was scared, he followed him all the way through to the end. Luckily, he, for some reason, he grew up to be afraid of spiders. What?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Climbing back out - AGAIN

I go through periods of depression. So far I haven’t seen a therapist. My oldest daughter takes after me, and I don’t know if we can afford two therapists, so she may do it first. I not only lost myself, I’ve given myself to other people. I love my husband, but he can be very negative and I am very much affected by the atmosphere that I am in. I have talked to him about it but it doesn’t seem to sink in that we both have to change. I guess we both feel that everything would be fine if the other person changes.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Do Europeans Hate Americans or Vice Versa

I was in Rome when Barack Obama was elected. Someone told me that their President was a lot like George Bush. I don’t think he meant it as a compliment.
The year before I was in a pub in London eating dinner and after I told the waitress what I wanted, he started criticizing Bush in a very loud voice. I ignored him because, hey, he was right, and I was an Obama supporter. Besides, I did not want to stoop to the jerk’s level.
I generally have not been aware of any rudeness in any of the places I visited in Europe because I am an American. Of course, I only know a few phrases in foreign languages. I do however, have a great deal of respect for the countries that I visit.
If any Europeans want to come and visit my area in Southwest Florida, I can guarantee that Floridians would be very happy to see you.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Can't Always Get What You Want

As a child, we did not take family vacations. Once I remember my Dad saying he would take us to an amusement park. On the way out there, he got mad for some reason I don’t remember , turned around and took us home. That was it. We never got to that park or any other. I remember on a few occasions we would go to a local park and have a barbecue. A few times we went to a local fast food joint for take-out burgers. We never went on a vacation or a restaurant. I think my dad took me to the movies once when I was six. We kids went to the movies on Saturday for 50 cents. The summer before I started first grade, my Dad took me to Mass. After I started school, that ended. The only place we went to on a regular basis was to visit my Aunt Marge and my four cousins. The adults would sit in the kitchen and drink beer while the kids played. I somehow got the message that the things I wanted were not considered important. When the day came that I told my Dad that I wanted to go to college, he told me that women didn’t need college. I was disappointed, because I wanted to be a teacher. But like I said the things I wanted were not important. So I did not argue the point. Years later I came to realize that some of this had to do with the fact that my Dad did not make that much money. But my Dad did not spend that much time with me and I still have that feeling that what I want is not important. So I forgot about my goals.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Toothpicks Holding Up My Eyelids

Really tired today. Rough time with kids yesterday. Without giving away FAMILY SECRETS (or I would have to kill anyone who may someday happen to read this), two of my young adult children who live at home got into a nasty argument which quickly spiraled out of control. And as usual, Spongemom (certainly not Teflon-Mom) did her best to absorb as much of the negativity as possible. Frozen pizza, chips, a few strong gin and tonics and a Netflix movie got me through the evening. Then my tummy started punishing me so I took a couple of Zantac and went to bed at 8, took a little nap and woke up with a headache around 9 PM. I found the Excedrin Migraine, took two, and realized that I am running out. My headache went away but I still did not feel like ironing Laura’s clothes for her job interview. The Big Fight was mostly her fault anyway even though Andrea overreacted (big surprise). Anyway, I got back to sleep around 2:30. Got up at 6:30 to iron her blouse and touch up the jacket. Gave her some advice for the interview and money for lunch and gas (she also has an appointment with the guidance counselor at FGCU about her Master’s).
I really thought that I would get to sleep earlier because whenever I come up with a great blog idea, it’s usually right before I fall asleep and the next day I can’t remember anything. All I can remember is thinking “Wow, that’s a great idea. So good that maybe I can try to promote my pathetic little blog.” Even though I was awake for a good hour or so after that, I still can’t remember my idea. I’m gonna have to try to remember to write it down.