Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Tools to Improve My Attitude - Part 2

I have been using Evernote on-line and on my cell and it has been great. I can clip articles and save them to read later. I can edit the articles, tag them, and put them in folders. I can do the same with voice recordings and pictures from my cell. I can retrieve them on my phone to refer to later, although there is a little trick to it. On my computer, I do a search on the ones I want to read later by their tag and save the search. I can use my cell later, select the saved search and all the articles (or pictures) I want to read come up. Previously, I had been copying and pasting blog articles on Word, printing and filing them if I wanted to refer to them later. This is a lot easier and takes up no paper or space. I use the voice recordings to remember something that I heard on the radio or to save an idea that I had. I don’t use the photo function that much. If I need a photo reminder, I just take a picture of a note and save it on my cell phone home screen, like “Get gas”.
The other one I use is box.net. I have uploaded a lot of the blog articles that I have saved. I also have taken notes on A New Earth (the book and the Oprah on-line classes) that are stored here and some other PDF articles that I have uploaded. I can read these on my cell at any time.

Tools to Improve My Attitude - Part 1

Since I am easily affected by negative surroundings, I have been trying to find ways to improve my attitude. I have several favorites, but the one I want to write about is reading positive material. I have a collection of books and subscribe to Oprah, but there is a free source that I take advantage of. I don’t remember the first blog that I read, but by using Google Reader, I now subscribe to over 300 Blogs. They mostly would fall under a “self improvement” or “motivational” theme. I also read about travel, humor, current events, shopping and other miscellaneous interests. I can set up folders under the above titles, star my favorites, and even send them to Evernote for later reading on my cell phone. I did try Reader on my cell and was not happy with it. Many of my favorite writers have blogs and I keep finding more to try. One thing that I have just started doing is commenting on the blogs that I read. It’s another way for me to express myself, since I’ve been discouraged from doing so at home. In fact, most of my favorite web sites these days have to do either with positive thinking, journal writing, blogs, Twitter and Facebook. They have been a big help.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Still Bitter, Is There a Cost?

When my teacher failed me in nursing school, was it a blessing? I had to drop out of nursing school. I was later re-admitted, but a new teacher at the school failed me. I was heart-broken and hated her for many years . I wanted to become a nurse after my mom died, I worked as a nursing assistant for a year, got good job reviews, entered school, got good grades but had to drop out because my husband got sick. When I re-entered ( I even audited a course that I had previously taken, because I did not want to take any chances that I might have forgotten something), they assigned me to a new teacher for my clinical experience. She was an experienced nurse, but never taught before. Besides the fact that I was an experienced certified nursing assistant and had received good clinical grades previously, it was a short summer semester, so I was not worried. During the first few weeks, she expressed frequent concerns about a male student. When she seemed satisfied with his progress, she focused on the oldest student in her class (me). Now I was getting the patients with the 20 (no kidding) different meds. I had to memorize each one, with the type of drug, how it worked, drug interactions, and side effects literally overnight. Well, I did it and she said that I took too long to recite this information. She ignored other students and followed me around. One day, I went up to a new patient with my meds and said, “Wait a minute. You are not Mrs. _____. I was still holding the meds and went to the other bed and said Hello, Mrs. _________. My teacher accused me of trying to give meds to the wrong patient, and failed me. I guess it would have gone better if she had gone after me first instead of the only male student. Then I would have had time to prove myself to her. What amazed me was that she was so obsessed with me, that she never checked to see if all the other students had the required experience of giving injections or doing dressing changes. I tried to dispute her claim, but being in a Catholic School, questioning authority was useless. I was heartbroken and in shock. I loved nursing and if I had won the lottery I would have done it for free. But unfortunately, being out of the working force for so long had severely stressed my finances and I had to get a job paying more than a nursing assistant. I went back to the bookkeeping world. I am still feeling bitter. I don’t know what good came out of it. Maybe something good will happen. Are my negative feelings keeping this from happening?

How to Become Rich

I define “rich” as the quality of the life that you living. Money is one of many tools that can be used to increase your quality of life. An abundance of money does exist, but at this very moment it may not be in your bank account. Do what you can to change this, but if you have enough to take care of your basic needs, be grateful. Working toward your goal, a positive attitude, and gratitude are other useful tools.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Things That Have Kept Me Sane

What I like to do: Listen to music, read, drive my car with the moon roof open, enjoying the breeze ( I live in Florida). I used to enjoy gardening when I lived in New Jersey,. I planted begonias, marigolds, geraniums, zinnias, coleus, I planted a flower bed, hanging baskets and pots around my front door. When I was 10 or so, I used to like to sketch. My parents could not afford the lessons that an artistic neighbor suggested, but I’d like to try it again. I used to go to the library every week during the summer and borrow as many books as they would let me have. My parents were not big readers ,so I don’t know how I inherited the “reading gene”. By the time I was 14, I read Dickens, Hawthorne, Alcott, Hardy, Baldwin and Shakespeare and every super-hero comic I could get my hands on. When I was a teen-ager and subject to bouts of depression, I used to like to take the train downtown and walk from City Hall to the Art Museum in the fall.
I know that I inherited my enjoyment of music from my mother. In the early sixties,rock and roll was relatively new and few adults like it. Of course, that was before the influence of drugs. My mom liked Elvis, Chuck Berry, the Beach Boys, the Four Seasons (of Jersey Boys fame, among others.She also enjoyed the music of her youth, especially by Frank Sinatra and music of the Big Band Era. I take after her in a way, because my son likes to share the music he listens to with me. I wonder how I am influencing my kids. I guess it flows from one generation to the next. These are tools of survival. They've gotten me to where I am today

Just Glad It's Over

Last Wednesday, I went to get my yearly Reclast treatment for my osteoporosis. With this treatment, I could go a whole year without taking those weekly or monthly pills that I forget to take half the time. The medical center is about 10 minutes from home and the treatment takes less than an hour so I left my pork roast in the fridge, thinking I could cook it later. Less than 5 minutes after the IV started, I felt dizzy and sweaty. I called the nurse, they disconnected the IV, gave me oxygen, checked my pulse (40) and I heard one say she could not get a blood pressure reading and they were calling 911. I was in the ER for a couple of hours and was told that I would be discharged. Then a nurse came in and checked my blood pressure. It was 70 over something. They gave me dopamine to raise it and tilted the upper part of my body back on the bed. I felt like I was passing out. They stopped the dopamine and said that I was probably allergic to Reclast, but since it is a rare reaction, they wanted to put me in ICU for observation with a heart monitor.

I’ve read a lot about trying to live in the present moment, but I had no desire to do so while I was hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor, getting Nexium shots in my stomach, undergoing bloodwork, etc. It’s hard to be spiritual when you are in the hospital.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Basics

One of the most common signs of depression is neglecting your responsibilities. I know when I was depressed, I neglected household chores and paying the bills. Eventually the depression made me feel so exhausted that it took most of the day to get enough energy to take a shower. On top of that, my husband did not realize my depression and just thought I was lazy.

Looking back on that dark period, I now realize that if I make a list of the basic things that I really need to do to keep my life running smoothly and check them off when completed, I not only get a sense of accomplishment that keeps my spirits up, but I am also preventing future depression, as well. It must be a very basic list. No goals, no big projects. Just the things that fell apart the last time I was depressed:

Get dressed as soon as I wake up.
Cleaning kitchen every day
Make the bed every day.
Keep up with the laundry.
Hair and make-up every day.
Taking my meds.
Make sure we have enough food in the house
Check the bills

This list is the absolute minimum that I have to keep up with. If I am having a bad day and I still get these things done, I am surviving to fight another day.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Forgotten Treasures

I found a copy of a book that I bought a couple of years ago at Barnes and Noble for $3.99. It’s called “The Positive Bible”. For the past year or so, I’ve become more interested in other belief systems. I‘ve been studying Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”. I am taking a class in Buddhist meditation. I am a fan on Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer, and others. So I was curious, as a former Born-Again Christian, can I still relate to the Christian Bible. The book that I found just contains quotes from various Biblical translations that are inspirational, not judgmental.

Thumbing through the New Testament section, I found from Matthew 5:44-46 (NKJV):
4 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,[h] 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?

Well, the above underlined phrase just about jumped out at me. As a Christian, I believed in a personal God. Of course, I could not completely explain “Why Bad Things Happen to Good People”. There is the concept of Free Will, which I think states that we are all given a choice, to be good or evil and God does not force us to choose the right way. We can also say that God permits difficult, even unfair situations to occur to teach us. Now, I don’t know if I can ever explain everything bad that happens. I really can’t say that I’m wise enough. But reading the above phrase gave me an additional thought (assuming of course, that there is a personal God). First of all, I think that the first part of the phrase denotes something good, whereas the second half is an example of something negative. Rain is life-giving, but at the wrong time, it can produce catastrophes like mud-slides and floods. So, God the Father, permits both. He does not just love those who love him. He is the Source of Love. We are encouraged to love all, as well, so we can be “sons” (Bible language, not mine) of our Father in heaven. Also, by loving our enemies, blessing and praying for them, we are following God’s example of love.

Just a thought (don’t know if I’m right or wrong). I didn’t even realize that I still believed in a personal God. I kinda like it, though.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Progress report

I periodically go through periods of depression. The last one started a few weeks ago at a party. I suddenly felt separated from everyone else. I told myself that was ridiculous, but the feeling stayed with me. Instead of the positive, uplifting atmosphere that I usually experience with my friends, I felt as though no one really wanted me there. I have been reading the Eckhart Tolle book “A New Earth” and one theory I could not understand was “the pain body”. He devoted an entire chapter to this, but from what I do understand, I think he defines it as an accumulation of old, negative emotions, that form an energy field that exists in your body. It lies dormant, and one day, wham, something sets it off. It takes you over and you just want to be miserable and make others feel bad, too. Your pain body feeds off this.

Afterthe party, I came right home, me and my pain body, that is. Within hours, I could see a change in attitude in my husband and in my kids, as well. At this point, I believe in the existence of the pain body. I don’t want to engage in any helpful behavior, In fact, I am getting worse. I‘m not concentrating as well, I make a mistake with paying a bill, and my husband, who is already feeling negative about the world, said some very upsetting things to me.
The old feelings of no respect for myself were returning. Something came up with my daughter, so I had to miss meditation class. I was sliding downhill rapidly.

One day I read on Twitter “Take a moment and ask yourself, are the feelings I have right now supporting me in my ultimate purpose and goals,” Ken Lauher. I examined how I was feeling at that moment and asked myself if that was how I wanted my life to be.

Well, now I am posting a bit more on Twitter and Facebook, writing more, and I am going to attend a meeting of Toastmasters to see if that can help me to become more self-confident. I will be taking a French class next semester and moving forward on some business plans. And I am back on my diet. So far I’ve lost 22 lbs., have 25 to go.

I am taking responsibility for my own happiness.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Gay-Marriage Activists Look Ahead After Maine Defeat

Gay-Marriage Activists Look Ahead After Maine Defeat

This is so sad. "Marriage between a man and a woman. No one is discriminating against gays. We just prefer a traditional marriage." It is discrimination. If it were to be applied fairly, we should at least make sure that people who claim they are male or female are what they say they are and are in compliance with the law. We should have DNA testing to make sure that not one single woman is suffering from AIS (Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome), in which someone who thinks she is a woman actually has male DNA. There are approximately 7,500 women who have this disorder. But who knows how many really have it? I believe that these people are breaking the law in states where "one man, one woman" has been legislated.
After all, this law applies to everyone, does it not?

Thursday, October 29, 2009

What Is Really Scary?

With Halloween almost here, I have been reading interviews where well-known people are asked, “What are your favorite scary movies?" I have seen quite a few, both while growing up and going with my son (mother and son bonding). But a more important question for me is: What am I scared of? Well, it has nothing to do with movies. The following are the three big ones.

Leaving my comfort zone - I guess the times that I grew up had something to do with this. My parents would compare me with me with my very-outgoing cousin and label me “good” and my cousin “wild”. I attended a very strict Catholic school where anyone who got out of line was physically punished. My Dad told me when I graduated high school that it was a waste of money for me to go to college ( I wanted to be a teacher). I feel like I should be doing what other people expect of me. I have been working on that.

Confrontation - I have been afraid of displays of anger ever since I can remember. I am learning that I can handle these situations when I can set up ground rules to make sure that it doesn’t get out of hand.

Negativity - How it can change my positive mood to a depressive one. I work to keep that from happening because the quality of my life is too important to me. When I get depressed, it impacts my relationships and my family life. There have been times when I had to sink pretty low before I began to climb out. I now use inspirational quotes, articles, books, humor, music, writing, meditation and prayer to keep myself going. I recently discovered that taking the time to organize something when I am feeling good can help me later by giving me an accomplishment that I can look at when I need to.

The reasons I developed these fears are not important. The first step is to acknowledge what frightens me and the effects it has on the quality of my life. The next step is taking control. Now that can be really scary.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Not that easy, Deepak

Living your dharma is a matter of being what you are first, and then what you need to do follows automatically. Deepra Chopra

Trying to be who I am takes some courage for me, because the childhood fear comes up: will “they” still like me. Of course, that means that they liked me in the first place. On one hand, if I don’t care at all, I could hurt someone’s feelings or appear insensitive or cold. But caring too much could mean giving myself less respect and someone else more. Maybe that’s the key. Treat myself with respect. As long as I do that, I will be true to myself. I know that “my true self” is my higher self. Treat others as I would like to be treated and know that I am doing my best. Not everyone will like me, but that will not matter as long as I do.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Why I Use Twitter

I’ve been using Twitter for several months now. I am by no means an expert. But I have found it to be useful in a personal way. Everyone knows the basic idea, 140 characters. Well, after you sign up and set your page up, it is recommended that you find some people to follow, I now follow, Deepak Chopra (spiritual teacher and author, one of Time Magazine’s Most Influential People of the 20th Century, and who once Direct Messaged me!), Eckhart Tolle, Tony Robbins, the Dalai Lama, Michael Beckwith, Rabbi Schmuley, Louise Hay, Dr. Wayne Dwyer, Marianne Williamson and other spiritual teachers. I almost forgot about Reverend Run of Run DMC, I like his can-do, go-for-it attitude and his way with words.
For fun, I read Bob Saget: sometimes his humor may be in questionable taste, but his tweets to John Stamos are so funny! I also like Penn and Teller (separate accounts). Kirstie Alley and Christina Applegate are funny and fearless. And last but not least, keeping to my theme of positivity, I follow Dita Von Teese (only on Twitter, of course). I could describe her as a burlesque star, but she is very fashionable, has a very small waistline, and leads a very glamorous life (a lot in common with me :).
I can mark off my favorite tweets and whenever I need a little encouragement, I can always re-read them and get my mo-jo back. My tweets are not very exciting (well, sometimes to me). Generally, during the day, I have a thought that I think might be worthwhile for me to remember. Sometimes I reply to a tweet that is interesting, but mostly it is to help me on my own path.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

James Ray

From MSNBC.com
Ray wept openly during his first public appearance after the deaths. During a free recruiting seminar for his program Tuesday in Los Angeles, he broke down in tears, the confident pitchman momentarily gone.
"This is the most difficult time I've ever faced," Ray told a crowd of about 200 at a hotel in Marina del Rey. "I don't know how to deal with it really."

I don’t know why this happened. Perhaps, the victims felt ill but thought the feeling would pass and waited too long. Maybe they should have had a physical exam first? I don’t think James Ray intentionally did anything wrong. If nothing else, why would he endanger his own livelihood? However, he is the one ultimately responsible for the tragedy. No matter what happens in the courts I’m sure that he will have to deal with this for the rest of his life. It should be interesting to see. This will be the true measure of the man

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Still Learning

I pulled into the Chase Bank parking lot yesterday. I was in a hurry and I wanted to park into a space that was at the end, with a cement curb on the right side. I was coming in from the right and I pulled in too quickly. I wound up scratching the right front bumper of my car. I was pretty upset about it, but I had to take care of my banking business. When I came out, I got back into the car and thought about it again. Not only did I think again about how upset I was, but I also thought about how I would feel when I told my husband and worried about how much it would cost to fix. (No dent, scratch was about an inch in diameter). Then I thought to myself “You gave it enough thought. That’s it. You’ve done all the thinking about it that you should do.” I’m trying to let it go. I guess that's my lesson for today.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Roman Polanski, How Should He Be Punished

I found an interesting page on Wowowow.com. There were three articles written by Candice Bergen, Joan Ganz Clooney and Liz Smith giving their opinions of Roman Polanski. I have read about a great deal of celebrity support for him, which I find disturbing.
The following is the comment that I posted on that site.
First of all, he did commit the crime. It is up to an American judge/jury to decide the rest. Anyone who comes up with extenuating circumstances for the rape of a child (she was willing, maybe she was not a virgin, he is of a higher social class and should not have to obey the law) should be willing to make allowances for any rape under those conditions. Would they? Of course not. Even prostitutes can be raped. How far back would that take back the women's movement?
If you want to read the page, the link is:

Monday, September 21, 2009


Last night I attended my first Buddhist meditation class. It didn’t start off really well for me, because I came in a few minutes late because my directions were not good and it was pouring rain. They didn’t have many parking spaces so I needed to park around the corner on the grass. Then after I arrived, the assistant asked us to turn off our cell phones and (new cell) hit the wrong button and No Doubt started to play (at least at a low volume). The class was very enjoyable and interesting.

I was really impressed by the “Give and Take” meditation. When we first started it, it didn’t seemed to be working for me, but eventually I found myself looking at the world through the other person’s eyes and even learned something about him that I didn’t realize before. It was almost psychic. I feel like I can be more helpful in the future. I will continue to practice that meditation in the future.

When the class ended, I noticed that I had met one of my classmates before. She was the one who told me about Eckhart Tolle, which led me down a new path of spiritual learning. Is this a sign from the Universe that I am doing the right thing?

Friday, September 11, 2009

Spouses and Spirituality

I think it’s important for couples to have some sort of spirituality in common. Your beliefs influence your behavior and unless there is some sort of understanding between two people there will be misunderstandings and miscommunication. Have you ever been in a situation where someone spends literally hours complaining about something negative? They don’t want to talk about how to change the situation, they just want to talk about how unfair it is. Well, you know that “Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists." Try changing the topic to something more positive and you are seen as someone who doesn’t care. You also have to strengthen yourself so you can be strong for the other person. I know that is not easy to do and takes a lot of time. The other person is not aware of this and you can be taken for granted. Also being on the same wavelength, spiritually, can bring you closer together, as each party can build each other up.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Agnostic vs. Atheist (Penn Jillette)

I would suggest watching this first to see what YOU think (NSFW-Language and "the Finger"):

My thoughts: first of all, that would be like asking if your spouse told you to kill your kids, would you do it? I would answer that my spouse is never going to ask me to kill my kids. I know that the history of Christianity shows people killing others and saying that God (or the Bible- same thing) told them to do it. I don’t believe it was God, myself, but a basic fault in humanity (our ego) that says “My way is the only way. If you disagree with me, I have to get rid of you”. Still goes on today, in varying degrees. I also don’t define God in the way Christians do. If, in the odd chance, he actually asked me to do it, I would refuse on the grounds that this being is not God . However, this is only my opinion, I won’t come after you , if you don’t come after me. :) I love Penn and Teller.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Brad Pitt/ Bill Maher

Brad Pitt appeared on Bill Maher recently. Maher is a reknowned atheist and a hilarious comedian. I Tivo his HBO show on a regular basis. As reported on The Huffington Post:
"You know, I grew up in a religious family, in a religious community and it just doesn't make sense to me. It just doesn't work for me in the long run," Pitt said. "I never wanted to stop anyone else's religion and their beliefs until I started seeing it defining policy.... Like gay marriage. You have a group of people telling other people how to live their lives, and you can't do that."

In this country, everyone is entitled to an opinion and has the right to express it. We can believe in God, or not. We can believe in a Christian God, a Wiccan Goddess, one God, many Gods. A personal God, the Force, or the Universe. Some are not sure what they believe. All valid because we live in America. We can’t decide the right path for others. What works for me will not work for everyone.

Besides, how can I tell other people what their path is if I haven't figured out my own, yet. (I think I might Twitter that line).

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Another Question

Please keep in mind that I am a searcher of knowledge and certainly not a teacher. I have been reading Tolle for the past few weeks. I have been wondering about the Ego.
Tolle does give credit to the good it has accomplished but 98% of the book is about the evil that comes from it and how to destroy it (as he has done). What kind of world would we have if there were no ego? All the bad results would be gone, but how about the good? As an example, what effect would it have on art? I don't know. Can we keep it on a leash as opposed to destroying it completely? Maybe Tolle or another wise man will come up with an answer in another book. I'm probably way off base. So I'll keep reading (and praying for wisdom).

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Half the Picture

I recently read a book recommended by a friend, “Sand in My Eyes” by Christine Lemmon, a local author. It’s about how conversations with an elderly neighbor with a gift for gardening brought Spirituality into a woman’s life. While reading this book, I realized that I have been focusing on being aware of my inner being, my soul. However, there is something that I have been neglecting: My connection to God (or the Source). I used to pray a lot. I thought that being spiritual meant that you prayed constantly, chatting up God, non-stop, about all the nonsense that your ego brings up. I am trying to quiet that voice and realize that it is not my identity. But that is only half the picture. I am going to remember what Dr. Wayne Dwyer said on Twitter: “Shift Your Focus from What's in it for me? to How may I Serve?”

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

From the Beginning

I grew up as a Catholic. I left the Church at the age of 16. After I got married, my husband and I found a Methodist church that we liked and attended for a few years . I think that, even then, I had more of an interest than my husband, which is not all that unusual. But between starting our business and raising young children, we became too busy. When my mom passed away, I felt a very strong desire to become a nurse. I felt that God was directing me. Looking back on it however, I don’t remember asking for His opinion. Anyway, it did not work out. I felt let down by God. A couple of years later, after we moved to Florida, I fell into a state of depression. I found a Christian web site and realized that I needed spirituality in my life.

I used to believe that this meant a personal relationship with Christ. That meant the more I prayed the more spiritual I was. I attended Church on Sunday, read the Bible and prayed. I attended the same church for three years. The sermons were good. There were times when I felt they were written with me in mind. I joined the Church, attended Bible Studies, did a little volunteer work. But I did not feel like I fitted in. I wanted to. I joined a “small group”. Nice people, but I didn't feel it was for me.I stopped attending Church and fell away from the group, as well.
Well, needless to say, I started to slide into depression. Funny thing is that I don’t think my husband ever realized it. He saw the results of my depression but does not see what was causing it. However, a bit of luck! One day, I found an article about my former doctor who had joined up with a medically-supervised weight loss franchise. I told my husband about it and we both joined. We lost a lot of weight and I started to recover from my depression.

I joined a club where I heard about the book “The Secret”. I read the book and others like it. However, when the club took the a few months off, the depression started to return with the weight I had lost.

I have started to read positive and spiritual blogs, which have helped me a bit. I had heard of Eckhart Tolle from one of the members in the club. I bought the book, read one chapter and put it aside. A month ago I picked it back up, and I am studying it, along with reading the online class transcripts, using the notebook and practicing the exercises on Oprah.com. I did start keeping a journal, but it was turning into a daily planner, which has its use, but I needed to straighten out my thoughts on a deeper level. That is why I started this blog.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Whenever you think that you really don't matter.

How to be Content

The person I was five minutes ago no longer exists. The labels don't apply. I am free to make new choices NOW.
Physically, I look the same. Well maybe I might have make-up on, or I might have re-combed my hair.
But my soul, spirit, my inner being, although it may live forever (haven’t figured that one out yet), as long as I disregard the labels placed on it by my ego, is free.
Even while I am making my bed or taking out the trash, my soul is free . If I live in the NOW, the present moment, with gratitude, I can be content.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Threats to Happiness

We are responsible for our own happiness.

I certainly understand when someone needs to vent. Sometimes, I even talk it out to myself, when no one is available to listen. The ideal outcome is that you keep talking until you come up with a solution, or at least an understanding of why the situation is so bad. I have been surprised on occasion to have realized that I have contributed to the unhappy event. Sometimes, I just need to talk, I realize that the person I am talking to may not be in a situation to help. Talking just helps me to understand the situation better. However, when it’s the “same old song” going on for hours, it might be better to do something to take your mind off of it. If someone else is in a bad mood and I can’t find out why, I found that the best thing to do is to go off on my own and leave them alone for awhile. I need to find something positive to do in order to offset the negative energy.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Windows of the Soul

Just got back from vacation. I will try to be more consistent with my writing.

In May of 2008, I was looking for a book club to join. There was only one in this town at that time and they were not taking any new members. So I kept looking, not knowing what I really wanted. I found a group that looked interesting, so I attended a meeting. I have an inferiority complex that pops up occasionally so of course the first thing I noticed was how young and beautiful the women were. I disregarded the voice in my head, sat down with a couple of ladies who were merely attractive and tried to smile. Eventually, as I continued to attend the meetings, I got to know the ladies a bit more and realized, first of all that I was judging them. And here I was worrying about them judging me. We have different lives and experiences, yet we are supporting each other. When I talk to them, I don’t see “the outer layer”. I look in their eyes and see their hopes and dreams , I think I can see their souls and that is what I relate to.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Musings from Last Night

I have been reading Tolles’ book. I have been trying to become more aware of the tricks that my ego plays. Sometimes, I am aware that my ego is up to something, but I let it go because I like the feelings involved. Is the ego the true source of evil? Maybe it’s not a fallen angel after all, but my ego that is whispering in my ear.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Importance of Being True to Youself

You need to be true to who you really are. Sometimes, in relationships, one person feels that the other person has qualities that they lack. If he/she is insecure, they may feel the need to control you to keep you in their life. In the process of doing that, they can kill your spirit. So they can either give up control and let you continue on your path and risk losing you, or by imprisoning you, destroy what they were attracted to in the first place.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Progress Report

I bought a night light that clips to a book so I can read a bit at night after my husband goes to sleep. I had bought the Eckhart Tolle book “A New Earth” some time ago. It is amazing! The only other book I can compare it to is the Bible. Not that I have the same belief in it that many have in the Bible, just that the only way I can get my head around it is to study it like I used to study the Bible. I read a few pages, highlight some lines, rewrite some stuff into my own words and think about what I read and how I can use it in my life. The Oprah web site has transcripts of on-line classes and even homework assignments. This is going to be a big project. I feel that I need to do this to advance my spiritual growth. I have also been practicing awareness. I also would like to meditate daily. For some reason, this has been a difficult habit to sustain.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Lesson For Me

Today I am going to start taking control of my life.

Micheal Jackson died yesterday. 50 years old. He probably thought that he had at least another 25 years ahead of him. Although he was close to his children, there were other family members that he did not see very often and other people who he was feuding with and had stopped talking to them. According to the family attorney, prescription drugs may have had something to do with his death.

Lesson: Take care of your relationships and keep your meds to a minimum. People die suddenly all the time. Young people can be in car accidents or have brain aneurisms or meningitis. Don’t let your problems go on. Do something,even if it’s just a baby step. Then you can tell yourself “Now I’m in the process of changing." The next baby step will be easier.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Did It Again

Today is the day that I promised myself that I would take one hour out to meditate, write in my journal, and do some deep soul searching about my life purpose-type goals and why I am putting off thinking/doing anything about them, I wound up spending 90 minutes reading about Twitter apps. Now I have to catch up on my to-do list and handle some other stuff that just came up. I am 55 years old. I used to have a life purpose. But my life has changed. I need a new purpose.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

First One

Why am I doing this? I guess right now more for myself. If anyone should read this, and gets anything out of this or thinks they can help me, that would be appreciated. I have been bouncing from one thing to another my whole life. I have been deeply interested in religion (was born again at one time). I still am interested in spirituality but I don't think that my way is the right way for everyone. I am much more open than I used to be. I admire other faiths. I try to learn from them. I am more accepting of sexual practices. "Whatever gets you through the night is alright", John Lennon. (I am happily married and straight). I love to travel because I am fascinated by other cultures. I keep up with new music (love Black-Eyed Peas). Yet once in a while, I spend a day listening to my favorites from way back. I have many TV shows that I like, but I can't stomach "reality " shows. I like going to restaurants and am trying to exercise more and drink more water. I have interests that I would like to pursue, like photography, cooking and gardening. But between my to-do list and trying to acquire better habits leaves me with little time or energy.