Tuesday, July 21, 2009

From the Beginning

I grew up as a Catholic. I left the Church at the age of 16. After I got married, my husband and I found a Methodist church that we liked and attended for a few years . I think that, even then, I had more of an interest than my husband, which is not all that unusual. But between starting our business and raising young children, we became too busy. When my mom passed away, I felt a very strong desire to become a nurse. I felt that God was directing me. Looking back on it however, I don’t remember asking for His opinion. Anyway, it did not work out. I felt let down by God. A couple of years later, after we moved to Florida, I fell into a state of depression. I found a Christian web site and realized that I needed spirituality in my life.

I used to believe that this meant a personal relationship with Christ. That meant the more I prayed the more spiritual I was. I attended Church on Sunday, read the Bible and prayed. I attended the same church for three years. The sermons were good. There were times when I felt they were written with me in mind. I joined the Church, attended Bible Studies, did a little volunteer work. But I did not feel like I fitted in. I wanted to. I joined a “small group”. Nice people, but I didn't feel it was for me.I stopped attending Church and fell away from the group, as well.
Well, needless to say, I started to slide into depression. Funny thing is that I don’t think my husband ever realized it. He saw the results of my depression but does not see what was causing it. However, a bit of luck! One day, I found an article about my former doctor who had joined up with a medically-supervised weight loss franchise. I told my husband about it and we both joined. We lost a lot of weight and I started to recover from my depression.

I joined a club where I heard about the book “The Secret”. I read the book and others like it. However, when the club took the a few months off, the depression started to return with the weight I had lost.

I have started to read positive and spiritual blogs, which have helped me a bit. I had heard of Eckhart Tolle from one of the members in the club. I bought the book, read one chapter and put it aside. A month ago I picked it back up, and I am studying it, along with reading the online class transcripts, using the notebook and practicing the exercises on Oprah.com. I did start keeping a journal, but it was turning into a daily planner, which has its use, but I needed to straighten out my thoughts on a deeper level. That is why I started this blog.

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